Luke and I stopped at Walgreens today, to pick up a prescription and a new bottle of Tylenol PM.
My son was rifling through the Impulse Purchase Section next to the register while I paid for my stuff. During this brief time, out of the corner of my eye, I could see him eyeing up some disgusting looking candied mice, Hannah Montana ball-point pens, mixed nuts, AAA batteries, hand sanitizer and a large box of Magnum condoms.
During my whole commerce exchange, workers were installing a Red Box DVD machine on the wall outside of the Walgreens, directly in front of the wall where the checkout is inside the store. It was almost impossible to think, let alone hear what my total was, with thudding jackhammer action playing in the background. This I did hear, however:
"Mom, what are condoms?"
The friendly Walgreens clerk looked at me with a "Better you than me, honey!" on her face while I politely and quietly told Luke that I would tell him what condoms were once we got to the car. Unfortunately, he was unable to hear ME over the jackhammers and repeated loudly, "MOM! WHAT? ARE? CONDOMS?!?!?!"
With my lips pursed and my teeth clenched, I repeated, "I will tell you in the car." Naturally, the other customers in line were all trying to stifle their laughter.
Luke: "Why are you so cranky? Why can't you tell me now? I just want to know what condoms are!"
Nervously trembling, I gathered my receipt and change and beelined out of the store. Once in the tranquility of the parking lot, Luke asked me again, "Mom, NOW will you tell me what condoms are?"
Me: "It's a delicate matter."
Me (once safely in the car and out of earshot of bystanders): "Condoms are a method of birth control."
Luke (shaking his head to indicate that my explanation clearly did not suffice): "What's birth control?"
Me: "It's what adults use when they want to have sex but they don't want to make a baby."
Luke: "What do you do with a condom?"
Me: "A man wears the condom on his penis so that when he has sex with the woman, she doesn't get pregnant."
Thankfully, no further explanation as to what comes out of the man's penis and goes into the woman's vagina, possibly resulting in pregnancy, was necessary, nor was elaboration on practicing safe sex, why condoms might be handy if men have sex with other men, or how STD's all figure into the mix. I managed to satisfy Luke's reproductive curiosity for the time being, and pray his father gets to field the next round.