Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Area Woman Brews Underwear; Boyfriend Proclaims "Good to the Last Drop."

Realizing there was no regular coffee in my apartment soured my morning.

Realizing there WAS coffee in my clean underwear jazzed up my afternoon.

I have a very, very hard time maintaining composure and staying all firm and Mommy-like when Luke misbehaves, mostly because his antics are just "Really Fucking Clever" with a dash of "OMG, You're A Genius, Why Didn't I Think of That?"

Lest we forget that on the off chance he misbehaves during school, his pranks are labeled "Only Your Kid, Miklasz."

Today's was more "Why Does the Basement Smell Like the Fields of Costa Rica?"

Backstory: While there are adequate laundering machines in the basement of my apartment, it is more economical, not to mention sanitary, to do my laundry at my mom's townhouse. The load of whites/towels/socks/underwear (washed on hot) was transferred from the washer to the dryer before I picked Luke up from school, leaving the remaining cold/colored load to wash while I was gone.

In the interim, Luke and I both got haircuts, amid whiny protest on his part (see previous blog).

Luke (in whiny tone): "But Moooommmmm, I like my hair fluffy. I hate getting a hair cut."

Me (combative): "I know, son, but your hair is too long. It looks messy and unkempt. You'll look much neater with it cut."

Luke: "You think I'm UGLY."

Me: "No, I think you're very handsome. Just messy."

Luke (crying): "I don't tell YOU when YOU have to get a hair cut!"

Me (not believing I'm using this line): "That's enough. I am your mother, and if I say you're getting a hair cut, you're getting a hair cut."

Luke (Drama! Get popcorn!): "You're a M-E-A-N-I-E."

Me: "Is that one of your spelling words for this week?"

Luke (indistinguishable): "Wahahwhahshahwahahwah."

Me: "Whatever. We have to go back to Grandma's and change the laundry loads."

Parenting Lesson #1: Get as many of your household chores completed and errands run while your child is at school.

...though scheduling conflicts and other obligations often prevent this lesson's fruition. Still, make as many stops as you can in your alotted free time...
Parenting Lesson #2: Especially grocery shopping! Never, ever, under any circumstances, allow your child to accompany you to the grocery store. You'll thus save about $75, three hours and you won't leave kicking yourself for not having checked if Excedrin is on sale.

Making a list, compiling coupons and cross-referencing ingredients for easy meal planning will greatly reduce your ratio of staple versus impulse buys, which brings me to...

Parenting Lesson #3: Kids have sticky fingers. To a child, anything that is not boxed, bagged, frozen or otherwise secure is up for grabs. Not saying that kids are chronic kleptomaniacs, but let's just say that the lines between product sampling and grand theft aren't crystal clear.
Parenting Lesson #4: For the love of God, double check your child's pockets before laundering his/her clothing.

My failure to abide by the aforementioned lesson is why I found a total of about 2 dozen coffee beans at the bottom of my mom's washer and dryer today. Hazlenut coffee beans! I, in effect, brewed our underwear! :)

1 comment:

Very Moon said...

So what I have thus gleaned from this, is that Costa Rica smells like a nut orchard. Or Gloria Jeans. Maybe a whole new meaning to Gloria Jeans.