Tuesday, August 13, 2013

My Love Life As Visualized in "The Brady Bunch"


I really like this Guy. Oh, what a vexing conundrum. But made even worse when you're actually bipolar!



Overall, I'm very happy being his friend. And he's not my boyfriend, but he is one of the nicest boys I know, and I think he's super cool.



To me, he's absolutely beautiful, with the cutest smile. To the world, he's kinda nerdy.


But!


I know he's not a miracle worker, BUT! 


Some of my other girlfriends have all the luck. A snap of the fingers, and they've got Guys swarming around them. I'm not so fortunate.


There's the super annoying factor of me not being liked by his #1. She and I don't get along AT ALL.She HATES me.


If he had any embarrassing idea of the extent to which I think about him when I wash the dog:



He'd rather do colorblind jigsaw puzzles than be with me. How can that possibly be more interesting and stimulating than me peeling him off the ceiling after a wild ride?


Hey, whatever works. I find him fascinating.



He could come and crash one of my all night girl orgies in the dark dressed as the Creature from the Black Lagoon when we all start scratching one another!




I blog about him all the time, this Guy.


And I get butterflies in my stomach whenever he calls! 


Guys come up with these come-ons, and you get your hopes up and pfft:



But you know Guys, they say one thing, do another...they're so hard to figure out! Does he want me or doesn't he want me? I just don't know. He's so vague and conflicted!  We're just friends!


We have kind of a big age difference. It doesn't bother me one bit, and I think he's flattered that it's so groovy that a girl my age would dig a guy his age.


And I've dated celebrities, and I'd still pick him!


He's bothered, I think, while far more fit than I am, that the generation gap is pretty wide.


Rock stars swing by to go out with me all the time.


I mean, I'm cute. I'm not gorgeous. I'm sexy in my own Offbeat Drummer Way.



But maybe I'm just not his type, despite evidence to the contrary. Though maybe it's....


Or, you know, I'm a nerd. 


Or, conversely:


He thinks I'm a wonderful person. We're both dorks. He acts like a jerk sometimes, but show me a Guy who doesn't. And when he's apologetic, he's really very sweet about it and I forgive very easily. I like it when he calls me "Darling."



Well, when all's said and done, if I eventually DO get lucky and land this Guy, which he wishes I'd quit being pushy, annoying and inappropriate about,  maybe you'll hear....


Of course, it could just be us bowling.


But that ain't happening. I'm sure goes home and this is the first thing he says:


Until that day, however, I remain unrequitedly waiting for a pully hawly, er:



Maybe I need to come out of the doghouse more often.


No, I really don't, not at all. HE does:


Seriously?


Because you'll never hear the end of it and Guys don't have feelings, remember? They're just animals on the prowl after one thing, and manage to turn it around that the girl chased the Guy, which is totally imbalanced.


What do I look like, Guy? Just a piece of meat?





When we hug, the scent of his aftershave stays on my clothes for HOURS.


And his mustache tickles, which is a great Guy feature. Always liked facial hair:


In the end, though, really....



Special thanks to my Brady Bunch friends for unwittingly participating in this blog entry. 

We are family!



11 comments:

Robbie Rist said...

Always the bridesmaid, never the ride.....

Robbie Rist said...

Erm....bride.....

Andrea Miklasz said...

HAHAHAHAH!

Very Moon said...

LOVE THIS SO HARD. So to speak.

BMF said...

Lord, that was funny.

Andrea Miklasz said...

PS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUSAN!

Kate said...

I don't mean to pry , but where did these wonderful thespians go after "The Brady Bunch"?

Andrea Miklasz said...

Robbie (Oliver) does voiceover work and is in several indie bands. Travels and plays music a lot. Susan (Cindy) is chiefly a graphic designer, but is also an animal activist (a crazy cat lady!)and hosts an online radio show. Chris (Peter)had a reality show with his young model wife on VH1 some years back and was working intermittently on TV. Mike (Bobby)? I don't think he really acts much anymore. Barry (Greg) is a Branson MO lounge-ish act. Eve (Jan) is like in exile and paints. Maureen (Marcia) still acts here and there but can't erase the Brady stigma that all the kids really face.

Met Susan and Robbie way back on myspace years ago & got to be friends, then I met them @ a Chicago convention in person a few years ago (that picture of Luke with Robbie? Yeah. Luke's taller than Robbie now). What was funny was that they recognized me ("Annie's here!") before I recognized them. I was deemed an honorary Brady sibling. The crown of glory.

BMF said...

Annie, you look smokin' hot in that picture with the Brady Bunch. Whoa.

Anonymous said...

Yes. That's kind of a pretty good picture of Andrea.

Andrea Miklasz said...

Bobby ogled me. I think it was the hooteriffic shirt.:/ He said to Susa, "THAT'S you friend????"

I felt soiled.

But proud at the same time.