I've been fat and I've been anorexic. I'll take anorexic any day of the week. It's been so bad since I've gained weight that I've considered committing suicide over the weight. I'm over 40--weight doesn't just fall off. A month on the thyroid medication hasn't helped yet. I kept up walking about 10 miles in total with Guy on Friday, but by Saturday, I could barely walk, I was so worn out. My random knee pain, which is excruciating, has returned. The whole situation just feels like it's never going to get better. My family is not supportive or encouraging.
I've been trying to find the right dress for Luke's graduation banquet and graduation, and it's been failure after failure. Shopping online doesn't help, but I have a decent grasp of my size, and I'm fooling myself. That's the caveat of shopping online--you don't get to try things on and have to end up returning them.
What's most disheartening is the fact that I asked my son to watch this clip (transcript below) to get a better understanding about how heavier women feel out in the dating world. What'd he say? "Yeah, I watched it. It's stupid. It's just some fat chick complaining about how she's fat."
And we're not supposed to do that. And we're supposed to thank the heavens for every crumb of attention any man chooses to pay us. It's all out of sympathy, anyway. No matter how we try to dress flatteringly, it ultimately doesn't matter. In the episode, Louis CK turns down the fat girl for a date she's asked him for more than once.
Transcript of "Louis" courtesy of Jezebel: